you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
