quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
