Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
