filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
