I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she smelled like a LAN party
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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