Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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