My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
