Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
