I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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