So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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