I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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