rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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