Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
