I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
