I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
