im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have fence marks all over my body
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
