How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
