wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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