Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize