I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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