that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
