Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
