Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
