I met the friendliest cop last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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