You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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