I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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