If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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