dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
