Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I intend to get homeless drunk
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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