It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
