It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
