we're blogging at a bar
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
