HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
