I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
