it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
