Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
