Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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