Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
