I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
