I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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