that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
