you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
