Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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