how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
