11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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