I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
