he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
