why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
