she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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