Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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