JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize