I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
