I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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