A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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