They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
