why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sober January is a disaster.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
