why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
