come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
