She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
