Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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