Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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