You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
