i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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