the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
