just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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