Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
