hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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