I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
