I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize