I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
