all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't turn off my feet"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
