I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
