the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
