I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
only you would photoshop your dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize