well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
