NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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