I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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