I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
