Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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