went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
