dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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